Ways to Be Cool

Hey Ladies!

Kay hi, let's start this shit. So I've been talking (or staring at) this girl, let's call her Joe, for a good two weeks now. See, Joe is probably the best...thing I have ever seen in my life. I could skeez about how rad she is, and how I want to poor pepsi all over her, but that's not the kind of blog I'm running here. Also, she doesn't drink pop so the whole pepsi thing wouldn't work at alllll. Anyways, she has this boyfriend, let's call him CockSucker McDickhead, and they've been dating for about 4 months now. He sucks. Seriously, fuck that guy. I would like to take his face and put it through the pyramids.

See, I never get like this. Ever. I go out of my way to not get stupidly jelous. But here I am, blogging about it, like I'm soe 14 year old girl. Maybe that's what I was meant to be, a little girl. Oh god...I wish.

Anyways, I cannot bitch any longer. Latur.

Also...fuck that guy.

Sleep Is Impossible Nowwww

Oh hi. Coltonio again. I'm writing again too, it's pretty cool. I should also point out I had 3 typos typing those two sentences. Four writing that one. I guess my hands are getting bigger? You know what they say about big hands...you're fucking the devil. I however, am not fucking the devil. If I were fucking the devil, you think I'd be writing shitty blogs? Pfft, I'd be busy hanging on a crusifix.

Whoah, blog took a dark turn. Guess I should get back on topic. I'm fucking growing. You know when you water a bean plant, and it grows? It's like that, but with bones. I should teach a science course. That's my new dream. Science teacher. Everyone will be all "Oh hey, Mr. Coltonio (that's what they'll call me), you are such a good science teacher! If I wasn't only 16 I'd be allll over you!" And I'd be all "Two years babe, two years.".

Actually, if I'm talking about plants I'd probably be a shitty biology teacher. I'm sure I'd find a way to make it be awesome. If I'm going to be a science teacher, I have to. Maybe I could just look hella weird. Weird looking teachers get all the ladies. I bet if I got a seagull tatoo on my chest, ad walked around shirtless I'd get all the attention. All of it.

I bet if I fucked Satan, he'd make me a science teacher...

Let's Get An Octopus?

Man, I haven't been posting here have I? It's hard to remember I have a blog sometimes. Fear not though! I totally put it in my Firefox Bar. Now there's no way I can forget about this. The only problem with this is that I'm looking at the word Hamburger a LOT now. That isn't a good thing. If there's on word I never want to get sick of, it's hamburger.

On ocassion though, it's gotten me kind of hungry. Also a bad thing. I don't come to the internet to get hungry, I come to the internet for porn. I'd rather be satisfied than wanting. I'm tempted to remove it now. I'm starting to realize the flaw in my plan. A blog re-naming? I could do that.

Lets Get an Octopus

That'd be cool. I hate octopi. But if I do that than I have to make a new banner. One with an octopus. I don't wanna look at an octopus for that long! Not to mention the Bad Dudes refference is GONE! If I change it I have nothing. This blog would mean nothing!

Fuck.

The Rhyme Routine

Rhyming is fun. Today I learned to appreciate Dr. Seuss as a complete genius. The way he rhymes simple words and yet keeps a deep meaning in his words. It amazes me. Green Eggs and Ham..a masterpiece.

HE WILL NOT EAT THEM WITH A FOX

HE WILL NOT EAT THEM IN A BOX

This can be taken many ways, but the #1 way to take it is from behind...what?

#1

Blog #1! Look at it! It's like a newborn child that came out horribly wrong! It has everything you could want in a first blog post! it hsa typos adn stuf liek dat. It's got over-use of exclamation marks!!!!111!!!11!!!!!11!!!!1!1! It has gargantuan articles and definitons to make me seem extrordinarily more important. It's umm...kinda quiet cuz im shy 2 lololol. It has reccomendations to crappy movies and music like Twilight and Lady GaGa.

Seriously, what more could you ask for?